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Tools to help you own your own reality

Who you are

  • Your sense of self - Your body, thinking, feeling and behavior.

Claim it

  • learn to do what your parents did not teach. Learn to surface, own, express, and support your own reality. Become aware of your own body, thoughts, feelings, and track your behavior.

Own it

  • figure out if you:

  • know your reality and won’t acknowledge it to anyone

    • force yourself to acknowledge truth and reality to other people when to do so is in your best interest. Accept compliments from others.
  • don’t know what your reality is.
    • force your reality into awareness. Make it up; make a guess at what it is and let it go if it doesn’t fit. Your body will let you know if its right. What it is will become true for you. This may require professional help.

Practice

  • allowing others to have their own reality, even when it conflicts with yours about you. Especially when it involves an appraisal of who you are. Get your reality on board and practice letting others have theirs, even when it conflicts with yours. Own yours vigorously. Take ownership of your self and value your reality. You can only do this if you have good boundaries. Boundaries give you enough separation to resist owning another’s reality about you that doesn’t fit you - when someone is being negative about you.

Be aware

  • of others wanting to change your reality or you wanting to change another’s reality to fit yours. Exceptions are therapists, sponsors, and others you invite to make comments about your reality.

Note: Reality "Shame Binds" - If as a child, you were shamed by a parent for your body, thinking, feelings, or behavior, shame may be bound by the experience about that part of your reality. When you surface that part of your reality, you may have a shame attack.

Notice - where the shame is bound to any part of your reality and dispute the shame attack by telling yourself that you have a right to your reality, and that you have a right to verbalize that out to your environment if you choose to. Your right to your reality breaks the shame bind.

Definition of a Healthy Mature Adult

One who can share their reality with me and I with them, without judgement, needing to change, or fix them