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Negative Control

Our frustration and confusion as codependents stem primarily from our attempts to control the reality of other people and from letting their reality control us... A person’s reality is made up of the body, thinking, feelings, and behavior.

Negative Control of reality happens whenever I give myself permission to determine for another person what he or she should look like, or think, feel, or do or not do. On the other hand, allowing someone else to control me is also part of the problem of negative control. Whenever I fail to determine for myself what I look like, what I think, what I feel and what I do or don’t do, and allow someone else to control any of these for me, I am participating in negative control.

Negative Control Of Others

  • Thoughts - Telling what to think / being told what to think
  • Feelings - Telling how to feel / being told how to feel
  • Choices - Telling what to do / being told what to do
  • Limits - Not hearing limits / pushing others limits
  • Behavior - Telling how to behave /being told how to behave
  • Body - Touching others without permission / being touched without permission
  • Desires - Telling what should want / being told what should want